Be Self-full!

By nicolavandyke | Letters | 0 comment | 2 November, 2016 | 0

Why do people take advantage of me?

Good morning beautiful people!

I promised I would tell you more about the concept of being self-full – I know this is going to really help some of you. It is an idea, a way of being, that I teach almost of all of the people I work with. Those that I don’t teach it to either already know it or just aren’t ready to embrace it yet.

So what is it all about? In the English language we have almost more words than any other language in the world. (Sadly however most native speakers rarely use more than a tenth of them on a regular basis – but that is a whole other discussion!) In our expansive vocabulary we have a word to describe people who think only of themselves, selfish. We also have a word to describe those who think of others before themselves all the time, selfless. There is nothing in between! No word to describe the vast gulf between selfishness and selflessness. Initially one might suppose that one is wrong and the other is right, so there is no need for a middle ground. Selfish – bad; selfless – good! No! They are both as limiting in different ways. Someone who is entirely selfish may initially have life the way they want it but they invariably end up without a circle of support, lonely and unhappy. Those who are entirely selfless may be initially praised and feel good about their service to others, but with no time spent on their own needs become exhausted and resentful.

So I have devised a new expression to describe a more comfortable way of being, the middle ground between selfish and selfless. Self-full!

The best way to illustrate self-fullness is this: Imagine being on a aeroplane, sitting next to a toddler when the plane starts to move around violently and the oxygen masks come down. If you attempted to put the mask on the frightened child first, you may well end up in a deadly struggle as they thrash about in fear. This could end in tragedy for both of you. If, however you put your own oxygen mask on first as recommended, which will take you a matter of seconds, then you are in a safe position to calmly help the frightened child.

Of course, I can hear some of you saying that the child may just pull his mask off anyway however calm and reassuring you are. True; but without wishing to be harsh, at least one of you has survived and you know you did your utmost to help them live.
In applying this to your day to day life, you only need to ensure that you have appropriate boundaries. That you can say, ‘No’, with love, without guilt knowing that your needs, your time, your desires, are equally important to others’. Not more important but as important. Hmmm?